Where I’m At…

Today my sweet angel turns 5 months. How I wish more than anything that she was here with me making Halloween treats and dressing up in everything I planned for her to be. However God had a different plan and no matter what I do I can’t change it. With the Holidays coming up I feel my heart aching daily knowing that she won’t be here for Thanksgiving, that she won’t be able to hang her ornament on the tree for Christmas, and she won’t be the one I get to love on during New Years.

Loosing Ella has been a huge test to my faith, to my relationships, and to myself. I would be lying if I said I’ve accepted it because I have not and don’t know if I ever will. But instead I have learned to live with the idea that she is watching over us and with us in spirit. We all believe in something and for me it was important to believe that one day I will see her and until that day comes she is with me in spirit.

Reminiscing on my pregnancy and talking about the bond we had is a daily activity of mine. I visit her almost everyday and still talk to her, sing to her, and share the moments that I always dreamed of with her. She is a real angel and no one will ever replace her. She will forever be my baby. We will always celebrate her birthday, include her during Christmas and Thanksgiving, and incorporate her into anything we do as a family. I know that may seem silly or weird to some but no one can understand the grief you feel loosing a child unless you’ve been through it. And if you have been through it or know of someone who has know that my prayers are with you! Know that you are not alone and that I am here with you. My heart is with you and my thoughts include all the loved ones you have lost.

With so much love,



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